The Quirks of Stubbing a Toe

 One of the most amusing things of being a human is to observe the strange reactions of our fellow-beings, to the most ordinary things. Take, for example, the brushing of a tree-bough against a low window-sill at night. Only a handful of people will recognize the sound for what it actually is. Others may leap up and scream, thinking that it is a ghost, covered in a bloody, white sheet who has passed by their house. Some, especially the more paranoid beings who have something to hide, will have their bread-knives and saucepans and what-not, ready in their hands to beat the brains out of their biggest fear in life - a burglar.

                                                  Err...'scuse me, I seemed to have lost me way...

However, I find that a very ordinary situation, the kind that happens at home all the time and yet draws the most bizarre, albeit hilarious reactions from people, is the stubbing of one's big toe. Now, I know what you’re thinking ‘Oh yeah, that happens all the time, but I’ve never noticed anyone pulling off a weird reaction - it’s mostly just screaming out an obscene oath and biting one's lips.’ But last week, I, in a manner that would please my Science teacher enormously, decided to conduct a research on the type of response people gave to the stubbing of the big toe. And here it is.

It began on a Saturday, a quiet evening, an evening when usually, after sleeping and not doing homework, I’d flop on the sofa and watch reruns of Rules of Engagement. However, on this evening, I opened a notebook, and nibbling the end of my pencil, kept vigil at the table near the door. My first subject, and the one I relished watching the most, was my annoying nincompoop of a brother. He was watching TV, a very intense (and incredibly boring) episode of Kick Buttowski, and was walking backwards, all his attention on the pixelated screen. Suddenly, as he turned, he slammed his big toe into the door. He stopped, stared at the offended toe for a second. Then, without warning, he screamed so loudly that I jumped, and he ran (or hopped) to the kitchen to my mum, with tears streaming down his face, which, incidentally, had taken the color of a rotten tomato, all pulpy and gooey with mucus and tears. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, I recorded this first piece of my findings in my notebook.



This is pretty much what my brother's face looked like. Ew.



The second subject was, surprisingly, my mum, because she’s usually watchful of her surroundings, not like me. In my case, I see a table, chair and an armchair in front of me, and I still manage to bump into all three on my way.  Going back to my research, this happened on a Friday morning. I’d kept watch for over a week now, and nothing had happened as yet. I was nodding over my notebook, when my mum’s sharp voice suddenly jolted me back to reality. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ she asked, eyeing the blank page suspiciously. Hastily, I covered the page with my hand and said in a fake, jaunty voice that made me cringe. ‘Nothing, Mum! Just…uh…some Economics homework.’ She narrowed her eyes and turned away. Sighing, I decided to give it up for the day, and just as I was closing the book, an abrupt hissing noise startled me. At first, assuming it was the pressure cooker from next door, I resumed putting my things back together, but as it sounded again, I realized it was Mum. Suddenly delighted, I turned to the door, and there she was, clutching her toe in one hand and hissing most venomously at the offending door. Biting down a chuckle, I ran to my room and proceeded to record my observation with glee. Then, as Mum swore loudly, I ran to the first-aid kit. It was either some soothing lotion, or my life.

                                                            



My mum and me. Notice our manner of spending 'quality time'.



But it was my dad who won an Oscar for the best performance. This time, it began with a huge family row between my dad and me. We were arguing about my lazy manner regarding the cleanliness of my room. I yelled that it was a teenager’s birthright to keep the room as messy as possible, and he just wasn’t buying it. Still shouting, he moved and jammed his toe into the poor door, which had received more than its share of hits these past two weeks. An ominous silence descended, and we all held our breath. My dad stood still, his eyes closed. Then, as though in great consternation, he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed very deeply for a minute. Looking up, he gave me a most scornful glare, before turning on his heel and stalking to the main bedroom. It was very beautifully done, a lovely, subtle performance. I almost felt like giving him a resounding round of applause.



And the Oscar goes to...



Thus, based on my research and findings, I quickly wrote down my conclusions, that firstly, human beings had a tendency to stub their toes, and stub them badly when they were either too absorbed in something else, or were too filled with emotion to see where they were going, and secondly, they had the most peculiar reactions in such circumstances. Smirking at the results, I was satisfied, and convinced that, with these conclusions, I was surely a lot wiser and would definitely look carefully before moving anywhere. Very pleased with my cleverness, I walked out of the room, my head high and my back straight with pride. That is, until I rammed my toe into the door which almost groaned in exasperation now. OUCH!

I think He was trying to tell me something.